It is incredibly common for young people – both within and outside of the home based care system – to develop a preoccupation with iPads, consoles, and gaming. For many caregivers, this becomes a focal point of conflict, with our young people experiencing intense outbursts when we attempt to instil boundaries or place limits on screentime. However, to support our children effectively, it is important to understand what is happening beneath the surface rather than labelling the behaviour immediately as “addiction”. Many young people in care are navigating not just historical trauma, but the persistent trauma of instability, ongoing Court processes, and constant change. This specific kind of distress is often rooted in a complete lack of agency and control over their own lives – the “rules” of their world feel unpredictable and out of their control.
Digital spaces and technology are immersive by nature, and for young people, they may provide a critical circuit breaker. When a child enters a game, they are entering a world where they finally have a sense of control and can “switch off” from their trauma. In these worlds, the logic is consistent, the rules are clear, and any social interactions have an inbuilt foundation that doesn’t require navigation of complex social cues. Further, games tend to flood children’s brains with dopamine – the “feel good” or “reward” brain chemical – with accomplishments that are far more safe and attainable than those in real life.
While this is an understandable survival strategy, the problems emerge when it becomes a significant barrier to real life connection and interferes with the development of other functional coping skills. These young people place themselves in a world where they don’t have to rely on adults for regulation, which can consequently inhibit the development of felt safety within the family.
When we are challenged by a young person with a perceived preoccupation with their online world, the simplest solution may seem to be removing the device – but for our children, this is often interpreted as a direct threat to their safe space, triggering an intense fight or flight reaction. Instead of engaging in a power struggle, we can shift our goal to make their digital world a point of connection within the relationship. Become curious about their games, celebrate their victories, and join them in that space to bridge the gap between dissociation and connection. When boundaries are necessary, we can communicate these well ahead of time, and have “high nurture” activities ready to replace it, transitioning to a more human-led way of feeling safe and valued.
If you would like support in exploring this further, the CAP practitioners can help with strategies to navigate outbursts, to understand and explore any trauma that might underlie these behaviours, as well as provide support and identify strategies to ensure that technology isn’t the only ‘safe zone’ our kids have. When we are challenged by a young person with a perceived preoccupation with their online world, the simplest solution may seem to be removing the device – but for our children, this is often interpreted as a direct threat to their safe space, triggering an intense fight or flight reaction. Instead of engaging in a power struggle, we can shift our goal to make their digital world a point of connection within the relationship. Become curious about their games, celebrate their victories, and join them in that space to bridge the gap between dissociation and connection. When boundaries are necessary, we can communicate these well ahead of time, and have “high nurture” activities ready to replace it, transitioning to a more human-led way of feeling safe and valued.
If you would like support in exploring this further, the CAP practitioners can help with strategies to navigate outbursts, to understand and explore any trauma that might underlie these behaviours, as well as provide support and identify strategies to ensure that technology isn’t the only ‘safe zone’ our kids have.
Appointments for the CAP service are available Monday to Friday (excluding Wednesdays) from 9am to 5pm.
If CAP sounds right for you, fill out the referral form to be contacted directly by the CAP team to arrange an appointment. If you require assistance completing the referral form, please call us on 03 9416 4292.
