The Masking Cycle

 A therapeutic term you may have heard more often of late is ‘masking’. It refers to a pattern of not expressing or ‘hiding’ our genuine thoughts, emotions or behaviours, in an attempt to ‘fit’ with perceived social expectations. Often children/young people who have experienced trauma, learn that suppressing feelings may help them to behave in ways that avoid negative attention. This can sometimes be tricky for carers, as you may observe a child/young person that appears to be ‘coping or adapting’ and are surprised to learn they are actually holding significant anxiety and stress.

 Alternatively, masking might also account for observed behaviours by a child/young person that appear acceptable in other environments, whilst later expressing dysregulation when back in a safe space. It can be difficult for carers to manage the escalation in behaviours that often comes with the ‘release’, as well as concerns that it might be misunderstood by the broader care team as a lack of capacity to respond effectively, or even a concerning dynamic within the carer household - as opposed to dysregulation that may come from having to hold anxiety and having to mask.

 The CAP practitioners assist carers to explore this further, as well as support carers to understand when they too might adopt masking themselves. Carers have often expressed masking their overwhelm by needing to appear ‘in control’ for fear of being misunderstood or “punished” by the system. It is important to be mindful that whilst this might seem a purposeful strategy in the short term, it requires emotional energy that may, over time, lead to exhaustion and increased stress responses, as well as compound feelings of isolation and lack of meaningful support.